So Bob goes home today. He actually left my place yesterday and i was sorry to see him go. A quick tally:

Nights Bob stayed: Five.
Places he visited in Minnesota other than my house and fast food joints. – One (Mall of America).
Computer games completed on my laptop as a result of his self imposed exile. – 1.2 (All of Bioshock and a bit of Mass Effect).
Pitchers of Honeyweiss drank: I lost count.
Washes my guest sheets will need after Bob has soiled them – Almost as much as the pitchers of Honeyweiss.
Dents in my new hammock created by Bob’s fat arse. – One too many.
Laughs had. – Quite a few.

It was lovely to see you Bob. When your bird pulls her finger out and you come back to visit, make sure you come this way.

Completely unrelated to Stevie in anyway here. Hope you don’t mind that I’ve hijacked your blog love

Anyway having spent a bit of time on facebook over the last few weeks (especially after seeing all Brian’s old photos today) it has come to my attention that Paschal Browne has absolutely no web presence.

Now Paschal I know you slag me that I live my life online and you might be right! But seriously man get yourself a bebo, facebook, myspace page or something. How else are you going to catch up with the people you knew years ago and never want to speak to again!!

So, long story short, Bob’s car-trip/shag search took an unexpected turn and he’s staying with me for a few days. It’s quite nice to have him around actually, but he’s likely to get me turfed out on my ear by my girlfriend, as we were quite loud when we returned home last night.

So follows an online conversation/summing up we had upon our return.

I repeat: THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A DRUNK BOB AND A DRUNKER STEVIE. MOTHER, STOP READING NOW!

If you get to the bottom and you are disgusted, remember you were warned…

Stevie says:
so, Bobert, we’ve just got back from the Hogsbreath. What say you about the event?
Mac says:
You cock made me do an obscence act with a minger
Stevie says:
I did, but isn’t that my perogative as a mate?
Stevie says:
Anyway, aren’t you getting ahead of yourself
Mac says:
see was mingin’ really mingin’
Stevie says:
She was, sort of like a retard.
Stevie says:
Actually, no sort of about it
Stevie says:
I honestly think that she was borderline retarded
Stevie says:
I believe you said “One eye looking for ya, the other looking wherever it wants”
Mac says:
minger!
Mac says:
and we did win!
Stevie says:
Lemme see if i can do this justice:
Stevie says:
This ratten girl had to move a lime up Bobert’s left trouser leg, round his balls then down his right leg, and i swear she won
Stevie says:
but the bar decided no
Stevie says:
so, for fun, Bobert had to reciprocate
Stevie says:
with relish
Mac says:
she did, my nuts where near the knee and made the whole thing easier
Stevie says:
, and he definately won
Stevie says:
but they had already given the prize
Mac says:
to the tale blonde with a chest
Stevie says:
anyway, she took a liking to Bob, and his “Gammy leg” line didn’t work
Stevie says:
FYI: He just farted on my head
Stevie says:
Anyway, she tried to get him up to dance, and when i tried to manhandle him onto the floor
Stevie says:
it wasn’t pretty
Stevie says:
as in the table turned over and his pint fell, so we left
Stevie says:
(God, that’s ratten, BOB.)
Mac says:
your pint fell, not mine
Mac says:
mine was finished
Stevie says:
anyway, long story short, Bob moved a lime round some ratten bird’s fandango and it was a laugh
Stevie says:
“Barf-boy” it is not, but all the same…
Mac says:
her snatch had a scrotum, ming
Stevie says:
I’m not sure i saw that, but i’ll take your word for it.
Mac says:
furry man bag
Stevie says:
what are you getting at?
Mac says:
she had a hairy brain between her nethers

… and then my messenger went on the blink. Thank God for small mercies.